The Truth About Stay At Home Moms
Yes, you read that right. This is the cold hard truth about stay at home moms. Yes, I also spelled that out. Instead of using the typical SAHM. Because, I am a stay at home mom and I’m allowed to take my time when my children are asleep, to type it all out. We get pretty bad rumors and stories told about us. What we do doing the day, what we DON’T do during the day. What we should do. How we should raise our children. How we should NOT raise our children. Well, guess what? This is my story. This is exactly what stay at home moms do during the day. Maybe not every mom out there, but pretty darn close. I have a couple friends who are stay at home moms, so I have my story to compare to others and see how similar we really are. We’re more similar than what you would believe!
Yeah. Okay, so we stay at home to raise our children. We don’t WATCH or BABYSIT our children. We’re house wives. But we also have lives (maybe, sometimes).
We don’t sit on our butt all the time!
Okay, maybe we do. Some days we do. Just kidding! When we get the chance to sit down we have our children climbing all over us. My youngest will be 17 months old on the 26th of this month. She’s exclusively breastfed. The child is all over me, all the time, non stop. If I get up to go to the bathroom, she’s right there behind me. Most of the time she starts crying because I left her sight for two whole seconds. (So when you hear stay at home moms say they want to get away? It’s true. Don’t shame them.)
We deserve a break.
Yes, I know. I know, I know, I know. We either wanted the children and planned for it, or they were an ‘oops!’ but a good oops, and we chose to stay at home with them. OKAY. We get it. WE GET IT. But guess what? That doesn’t mean we aren’t allowed to have a break every once in a while. We will seriously go insane if we do not get two seconds to just breathe. We’re allowed that. I understand we need to be parents, we need to be responsible. We are. We’re having someone else watch the children so we can take a chill pill before we destroy everything around us like a hurricane. It happens. It’s happened. This is why we ask for help. And it’s okay if we do.
We have no friends.
Okay, maybe we do. But we really don’t feel like hanging out and when we do, we have to do it with our children right there with us. It’s hard enough as it is just finding time outside of our busy schedule of taking care of our children, but managing to drag the children along with us just to hang out and have ‘friend’ time makes it difficult. Almost impossible. I have two little girls, both under the age of 5. It takes me well over an hour from the start of getting ready, to walking out the door. After dealing with them all day, I really don’t feel like leaving the house. At all. OH, not to mention when we invite our friends over to our house we have to make sure the house is tidied up and we have to put our animals away so they don’t jump all over our friends. Guess what, I know I’m not the only one. I’ve skipped out on play dates just for that reason. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my friends. But I don’t see them as often as I would like to because I am exhausted after a day of taking care of my girls.
We really do know what we’re doing.
You might think that some parents don’t know what they’re doing (okay, some really shouldn’t have children.), but they really do. Stay at home moms have perfected the tradition of raising children. We are at home daily, every waking hour with our children, without a break usually. We change probably five to twenty diapers or more a day. It’s like the old saying “practice makes perfect”? Yeah. We dress our children, change our children, take our children to the bathroom and wipe them, teach them and so much more. On a daily basis. Some children may seem as though they are out of control in public. Either it’s that child’s personality, or you have no idea what happened back home to make that child out of control (or it’s just bad parenting. You have no idea, so don’t judge!). We may not seem as though we have it all together, but we really do. Somewhat.
We hide our depression, most of the time.
We bottle up everything. EVERYTHING. Until eventually we just explode into a heaping pile and are desperate for someone to clean us up. Depression is not good. At all. But it happens, so don’t think you’re a horrible person and you’re wrong because you’re depressed. Ask for help. No matter what. I struggled with it growing up and I’ve had bouts of it after my children were born. That’s a story for another time. Either way, if you’re a stay at home mom, chances are you’ve had depression or are dealing with it right now. (Please contact me, I’m here to talk!) Give a stay at home mom a little bit of a break. We have no chance to take care of ourself usually, and we really have no opportunity to dedicate hours to doing what we love to do. We are non-stop consumed by our children, housework, caring for our children, taking care of toys, dressing our children, etc. etc. etc. All these judgey (yes, that is not a word. I know) parents out there aren’t helping our depression. We try, a little too hard. But at least we try.
We miss every second with our child, every day.
We are with our children on a daily basis. Every day, every second. We’ve heard over and over again: “They’re getting SO big.” “They don’t stay little for long!” “Cherish this moment, time goes by too fast!” We compare photos of when they were little. We look at the photos of their birth. We cry and break down on the inside, because we know those phrases are oh SO true. No matter how much time we spend with our children, there is no way we can slow down time or turn back time. So we live in the moment. But at the same time, we are not to be shamed for wanting to get a break and have some alone time. We’re not getting any younger either. We deserve to actually be able to live outside of having cereal shoved down our bra or getting a foot to the face while breastfeeding.
We’re not all skinny.
I am NOT a skinny woman. I’ve tried. I was skinny when I was younger, but after having two children I’ve struggled. I am SO tired of hearing people tell moms that they need to get into shape for the sake of their children, or be a good role model because their children need to know what size to be. Your children want you to be happy. They’re happy, if you’re happy. If you do nothing but struggle to lose weight on a daily basis and you are upset, they will see this and it will reflect daily. Many stay at home moms are expected to be skinny because, well, we have all this time on our hands. We don’t. We are busy chasing our children and usually binge eat because we’re so exhausted and depressed and tired. Too tired to dedicate to ourselves. Guess what, if you are working out and eating healthy, good for you mama. If you don’t feel like working out and you’re exhausted, and you’re gaining weight, at least stay happy and try not to binge eat every day. Seriously? Don’t make yourself unhappy because someone else is unhappy with the way YOU look. It’s not their body, it’s YOURS.
We tend to rant, a lot.
Like I am now. I’ve been a stay at home mom for almost 5 years. I held one part time job after my first daughter was born, just to help with income while my husband was laid off at home for a few months. After he went back to work, I stayed home. Now I have to find a job because my husband is going back to school full time. It’s terrifying. So I’m getting this all off my chest because it makes me feel better. I rant. Every day. I rant when my husband gets home to the time we go to bed. He must be so tired of me by now, but he’s not. We all rant. We have every right to. YES, I know we made the decision to have children or to stay home with them, but that does not mean we’re not allowed to rant and complain. We have every right. We’re human.
Stay at home moms, continue being you. This is the truth about stay at home moms. The truth about what we do, what I do. If you don’t relate to this, then that’s great. if you do relate to this, that’s just as great. I wrote this, as I said before, to get it off of my chest.